We are better than this.

 "Mr. Bliss, am I going to die?" Not a question that I ever thought a student would ask me. But I answered confidently "No, you'll be safe." But in my mind I was also thinking "or I'll die trying to protect you."

10 years ago. That was when Sandy Hook happened. 10 years before that was Columbine. Now the shooting at Robb Elementary in Uvalde Texas. 

Before I retired from teaching, school shootings were one of the things on my curriculum. While not officially it was something that was there in my classroom every day. Because of these shootings teachers had to prepare for just such a situation. We had active shooter drills. These were difficult for both me and the students. This was especially true for the younger students, they had trouble differentiating between the reality and the fantasy of the drill. 

In my classroom I had a red tape line diagonally across my room. All my students knew what it was for. On one side of the line you were hidden from the window in my door. The other side you would be seen. Live or die separated by a red dotted line. 

All 800 of my students knew what that line was. First through fifth graders knew which side of the line to be on during the active shooter drills which happened several times a year. During these drills my students would crouch on the ground, under the desks, in the dark, sometimes with the window covered or uncovered. (This all depended on what the current active shooter protocols were and this changed often and sometimes without our notifications.) Quietly waiting for our principal to announce over the intercom that we had successfully completed the drill, training for the unthinkable.

Many times during these drills I was quietly asked the question I started with. Each time I answered with a firm confident voice but I cried inside for these children. 

Fortunately only one time did I have to use this training when it was not a drill. It was during a fifth grade art class and the code for an active shooter in the grounds was broadcast over the intercom. I was surprised because drills were always announced in advance so we could prepare ourselves and our students. This was not.

My door was already locked but I went through the procedure of covering the windows, turning off the lights and moving the students to the "safe spot" of my very small room. Then we waited....

From the "safe spot" in my room students could see out a window into the parking lot of our school. Several of the boys had been looking out and called me over to see several police and sheriff cars in the parking lot. "This is not normal" I thought. I told the students to sit on the floor and stop looking out the window. 

I began quietly moving the students farther from the windows and gathering objects that could be used as weapons. Mostly heavy clay artworks, scissors and the large rolling pin. Not much but I would do what I could. 

The boys (who shouldn't have) had peeked out the window and announced that there was a big RV in the parking lot. It was one of the sheriff's mobile command units. Ok. This was not what I expected to happen when I came to work that morning. The kids were getting nervous and scared. So was I.

I started handing out clay for the kids to make something out of.  They love working with clay and I figured working with their hands would keep them quieter. It also gave each student a heavy ball of clay to throw at an intruder if one came through the door. Not anything I trained for in any art education class or workshop. 

Eventually an announcement was made that the "event" was over but there were still law enforcement and school security officers in the halls of the school. We were encouraged to go back to normal instruction. My fifth graders teacher came and picked them up to take them back to their classroom. Back to school as normal. But the students had questions as did I. Eventually we got the answer that someone had reported that they saw someone with a gun lurking around the middle school we share the grounds with. 

This turned out to be a hoax. 

This happened about 6 years ago and I hope that my students are not still affected by it but I know I still am. And it all came back last Tuesday.